Jimmy was working on a history assignment not long ago, answering a question about authority. Which is more effective, fear or love? They were talking about governments I suppose, but my own thoughts went to life and faith and to me it was a no-brainer.
And then in the days to come the boys were sharing more of their own stories. About how in Colombia they used to labor hard. Doing their chores. Meeting demands. And I’m curious about how that worked because getting boys to do chores around here has been overall a failed attempt and pure frustration. What if you didn’t do it? Oh that wasn’t a choice. You did what you were told and there was no other option. And there were stories, too, about what DID happen and I’m starting to get the picture.
So I ask Jimmy – how did you answer the question? Did you choose fear or love? And he tells me, “Yeah, Mom. I said fear.” I confess this to Jimmy – I’m not very scary. And he’s quick to agree.
And then something strange starts to happen. The next few days I’m noticing a change. A whole sink of dishes washed clean with no complaining. Clothes hung up. Shoes at the door. An entire table cleared without anyone asking. One day he says something quiet in passing. I’m getting nicer. Yes, I noticed. I wonder why?
I think he knows and so do I.
There have been days, believe me, when I’ve wanted to throw in the towel and I’ve wondered right out loud with God – what really is love?
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
And love can be grueling is what I’d add.
I’m looking at Paul’s long love list and this is not easy. It’s a lot of give and no take and days on end of weary waiting. And then. One day. Miracles.
We’re coming up on our second Christmas, and I think back to last year at this time and how incredibly hard everything was. I entertain the thought of what might have happened if we’d been using FEAR as motivation. Of course, the very thought is completely crazy. We were all terrified already. Goodness knows more of the same would have surely landed every single one of us in a permanent state of anxious insanity.
Jimmy you’re wrong. It couldn’t be fear.
Love is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. And I’m willing to say it’s this LOVE that saved us.
And is saving us, still.
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